


The Five Stages of Grief

by dyingpoet



Category: Newsies - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, so this is javid centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-12 10:35:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13545558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dyingpoet/pseuds/dyingpoet
Summary: In which Jack loves Davey and everyone else is annoyed





	1. Denial

_****_ ****

"Kath I'm dying."

"Death is a natural part of life Jack."

With a groan Jack collapsed onto the couch next to Katherine, putting his head on her lap while she remained stoic, scrolling through her phone.

"Pay attention to me, I'm a man possessed," he whined, moving to grab her phone. He got about halfway before Katherine's hand closed around his wrist.

"This is my apartment Jack, legally, I can kill you here," she said, removing her hand but nevertheless putting her phone down, sighing and raking her hand through Jack's hair, eliciting another whine. 

Jack closed his eyes, enjoying the affection for a few seconds before sitting up cross legged facing Katherine, playing with the frayed cuffs of his jeans nervously. He'd been at his own apartment for a while, Crutchie had work today so he couldn't whine to him, so he found his way over to Katherine and Sarah's. 

"Out with it Kelly, I'm a busy woman," Katherine said lightly, and she must have felt pretty bad for him because she actually looked caring when he glanced up. Not to say she didn't usually care, she did, it was just normally buried underneath layers of sarcasm and annoyance.

"I feel," Jack started, struggling for a moment to find the right words, "bad."

The look of sincerity left Katherine's face and she rolled her eyes, reaching for her phone again, "Eloquent of you Jack."

"No! No, I mean I feel, like, just weird, like not lonely but also yeah, lonely," he said quickly, biting his lip and looking down and back up quickly. He caught Katherine's eye and flopped back, letting out something between a growl and a whine. "God, I tried okay?"

Katherine laughed, leaning forward and shoving Jack's legs so she could sit next to him, "Sorry, you're fine, it's just funny is all."

He shot her a look, "My emotional turmoil is funny to you?" 

She shrugged, snickering when Jack threw a pillow at her, quickly grabbing it and hitting him with it, managing to get a laugh out of him. That usually wasn't hard, but he'd been moping for a few days and was annoying the fuck out of the rest of his friends. 

Now he looked a bit like his old self, snatching another pillow and hitting back, slowly gaining ground in their little fight, "I majored in pillow fights Kath," he chided, managing to get her pillow from her and holding both of them over his head threatening, "Surrender?"

Just as Katherine started to answer they heard a key turning in the front door, whipping their heads toward it just as Sarah stepped in. 

She frowned, setting her purse down on their counter and walking slowly over to the still frozen pair. "So what's," she gestured vaguely between the two of them, "going on here?"

Jack started to say something but let out a yelp instead, falling back when Katherine kicked his chest and got up. It was almost cute really, the way Katherine fixed her hair a little bit and Sarah let the smile return to her face when they made eye contact. Sickeningly cute, one might say.

"Jack's lovesick," she said, hugging Sarah and planting a soft kiss on her lips, smiling up at her girlfriend before turning back to Jack, back still pressed against Sarah's front. 

"Am not!"

"Aww, can't resist the Jacobs charm?" Sarah said, raising her eyebrows and smirking when Jack started sputtering out something, "C'mon Kelly, let's not pretend that we all don't know who this is about."

Katherine nodded and Jack glared, "I have no idea who you're talking about, I just have felt a little off lately." At their synchronized eye roll he continued, "I'm so sorry that I came to my  _ friends _ for help." When Sarah gave him a knowing look before walking over to their fridge, Katherine in tow, he felt himself blush.

"Whatever you say Jack," she said, grabbing a half empty bottle of wine and two glasses, moving to sit at the table with Katherine.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he said, walking over and starting to reach for the bottle, his hand slapped away by Katherine, who poured a glass for her and Sarah.

She took a long sip, making direct eye contact with Jack the whole time and swallowed, "We don't drink with liars in this house Jack."

"It's bad for our health really."

It was his turn to roll his eyes then, swinging around one of their chairs and sitting on it backwards, resting his chin on the back. They were both being stupid, he didn't feel like this because of anyone, especially Davey. Sure, after he'd found out Davey was gay a couple of months back he'd been curious, how'd he even manage to keep that detail from him so long? But that was normal, guy stuff. Sarah and Katherine had no idea what they were talking about.

"I know you think this is about Davey, but it isn't," he said flatly. Even with his eyes closed he knew they were sharing that knowing look, like they knew anything.

He heard one of them take a sip, glass hitting the table again before Sarah spoke up, "If it's not about him, than who then? It's clearly about someone, you only get like this when you like someone." 

She was right, he hated that she was always right, Katherine too, they had some weird superpower or something. But he  _ didn't _ like Davey, not in a romantic way. He liked guys, yeah, but whenever he hooked up with one they usually met at a bar or something and went out a few times. They  _ didn't _ befriend him years ago and become a major fixture in his life that supported him and was now gay all the sudden. Well like, the other guys he hooked up with were gay too, but that wasn't the point. Davey wasn't one of those guys.

"Just, somebody, nobody, I don't know," he said, pressing his hands into his face before getting up, "It's nothing, I have to go, gotta meet Crutchie for a thing."

He stood, grabbing his jacket from where he'd thrown it on their couch and shrugging it on, choosing to ignore the pointed look Katherine was currently giving him as she took another sip.

"Have fun Jack."

"Enjoy your thing."

Jack stuffed his hands in his pockets, leaving the subway and walking the last few blocks to his and Crutchie's apartment. He took his phone out of his pocket and checked the time, six thirty, Crutchie should be home by now, they could probably order food or something, he really didn't feel like going out right now.

As he approached their building he pulled out his keys. Katherine and Sarah always got in his head like this, he couldn't stop thinking about what they'd said even though he knew it was wrong. Something about the way they said things made you want to believe them was all, a weird sort of confidence they carried with them, no wonder they'd ended up together.

Unlocking the door he walked in, seeing the elevator door start to close down the hall. Groaning he started jogging, "Can you hold it?"

Whoever was in the elevator did, and he got in, starting to say thanks before catching sight of the other two occupants. 

"Hiya Jack!" Race grinned, "Fancy seein' you here." 

"Hey Race, Spot," he said, forced grin taking over his features, "Crutch ask you guys to come over?"

Spot nodded, "Yeah, said we could order food or something, we brought wine." He held up a bottle, similar to the white that Sarah and Katherine had been drinking.

"And beer," Race added, a six pack in his right hand, left tangled with Spot's own gloved one. If he hadn't been in a bad mood he probably would have made fun of them for being so  _ coupley _ but he didn't quite have the energy. Instead, he settled for nodding, thanking them and leaning against the side wall until they got to the third floor.

He followed Spot and Race out the door as they talked about some new building Race's firm had been chosen to design, an office building on the upper east side. He'd always been to bond a bit with Race since he was an architect, Jack worked at a coffee place but was trying to be a painter. They both understood the satisfaction of designing something and seeing it come to life, both had creative minds.

When they got to his apartment he pulled out his key and unlocked the door, stepping in and slipping off his shoes and jacket quickly. He didn't mind having Spot and Race over, it's not like they were still at the point where they had to entertain them or anything, but he still felt weird, like he had for a while really, and didn't feel like getting into it after Sarah and Katherine.

"Make yourself at home Jacky," a voice yelled from couch, presumably Crutchie, who'd turned around to greet the group.

"Well, it is my home," he said, grabbing the beer and wine from Race and Spot and carrying it into the kitchen as Crutchie got up and greeted the pair.

"I ordered some pizza for us, didn't feel like cooking," he said, walking over to Jack in the kitchen and picking up the bottle of wine, "Thanks for bringing this guys."

"No problem," Spot said, him and Race taking off their own jackets.

"Yeah and pizza sounds great Crutchie."

The three of them walked back toward the couch, flipping through the channels with Crutchie while Jack opened a beer in the kitchen. He took a minute or so before he joined them, sitting next to Crutchie who'd begun a rather heated debate with Race over whether to watch  _ Brooklyn Nine-Nine _ or  _ Parks and Recreation _ .

"Crutch, we live in Brooklyn, it's our duty to watch it."

"By that logic it's also our duty to listen to that Beastie Boys song Racer."

"It's not a bad song."

Spot and Jack shared a look as they kept at it, Spot getting up to get himself a beer while Jack put his feet up on their table, pulling out his phone and almost choking on his next sip of beer.

 

_ Davey: hey are you working tomorrow? _

 

Why did he want to know? He usually didn't stop in, he didn't even drink coffee and always made fun of Jack for perpetuating caffeine dependency in America. He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed Race and Crutchie pause their arguing to look at him, both smirking lowly.

Spot walked back, looking over Jack’s shoulder as he began to type out a flustered reply, it was really a yes or no answer so it shouldn’t be that difficult but he couldn’t stop thinking about why he wanted to know, why he was even interested in Jack at all. Not in  _ that _ way obviously, but still.

“Coffee date? A little basic don’t you think Jack?” Spot quipped, moving to sit next to Race, who took a sip of his beer and nodded.

“Yeah Jack I always thought you were into the classy stuff.”

They were joking obviously, their tone gave away that much, but this still meant way more to him than it really should have. “Shut up, you guys had your first date at a fucking gay bar so don’t come after me.”

Crutchie laughed, “So you admit it’s a date?”

“Fuck off.”

They laughed while Jack blushed furiously and typed out his response:

 

_ Jack: Yea, 9-3, why? _

 

“You really should just ask him out Jack, put yourself out of your misery,” Crutchie said.

Their buzzer went off then and Crutchie got up, grabbing a twenty from the kitchen table and going toward the door to let the pizza guy in.

“I don’t want to ask him out.”

Race rolled his eyes, moving so his back was against the arm of the couch and his legs were sprawled over Spot’s lap, “Bullshit, you’ve been moping around since you found out he was gay.”

They heard the door open and Crutchie thank the guy before paying him. “C’mon guys, I haven’t eaten since breakfast.”

“Skin and bones Crutch, really,” Spot said, picking Race’s legs off his lap so he could get up.

The three of them went over to the table, Jack whining while he got them plates. “How the hell did he keep that a secret for so long anyway?”

“It wasn’t really a secret, you just never asked.”

“Yeah, Jack,” Race said as he grabbed a slice, “He doesn’t really think it’s that big of a deal that he’s have to come out to us or something.”

That made sense, Jack had pretty much always known he was bi, and didn’t actually come out to any of his friends. They’d figured it out of course, he’d gone out with guys a few times and hadn’t felt the need to hide it, and flirted with pretty much everyone whenever they went out. He just always thought Davey was straight, never really had a reason to think he wasn’t, when he found out he was it just caught him a bit off guard.

He did manage to crack a smile though when Crutchie actually  _ moaned _ after biting into his slice, “This is fucking delicious.”

“Roberta’s is better,” Spot said quickly, taking a bite and smirking when Crutchie glared at him.

“We’re really gonna have this argument again.”

“You have no pallette.”

“Roberta’s has too much sauce!”

“No such thing.”

Race and Jack didn’t even try and jump into that, sharing a look before taking their plates back to the couch, turning up the volume on the TV to drown them out. Jack took a swig of beer before propping his feet up. He felt better after eating a bit, he was just stressed out was all; he had a commission that he had to finish by next week that was only half done and he couldn’t keep working until the first layer of oils dried, which took  _ forever _ , and whatever was going on with Davey just added to that. He was just projecting onto Davey really.

Race cleared his throat and Jack looked over.

“I know that you’re having like some weird sort of denial over this shit, but you’re just torturing yourself.” He opened his mouth to argue but Race cut him off, “Me and Spot have been together for two years man, for six months before we got together I was miserable, and I kept saying it wasn’t because of him, but it was. It’s just harder when you end up falling for a close friend like that y’know? You don’t want to risk losing the friendship if the relationship doesn’t work out.”

Jack sighed, taking another long swig of beer before putting the now empty bottle down. Race sort of had a point. 

“I mean, it’s just like my whole perspective flipped right? I thought he was straight because y’know, I never saw him with a guy so I just assumed, and I didn’t really see the point in liking someone when it can never work out, y’know?”

Race nodded slowly, actually looking like he was turning what Jack said over in his head. That’s one of the things that he’d always loved about Race, he was sincere, most people just faked interest until they could get back to talking about themselves. 

“I think I get that, it’s hard to adjust your perception, but I still think you should just go for it, high risk, high payoff sorta thing.”

From behind them he heard Spot yell something about bread quality to Crutchie, letting himself chuckle before biting his lip and looking back at Race. “You might be right.”

Race smiled, taking another bite of his pizza and smiling a little bit, “I am, he asked you about work right? Ask him when you’re at work.”

It really wasn’t a bad idea, he started to respond when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket:

 

_ Davey: I think I’m gonna stop by, try and convince everyone that caffeine’s killing them, the usual. _

 

He smiled, quickly typing his reply:

 

_ Jack: You’re gonna have a tough crowd but props for trying _

 

Race leaned over and read the text, shoving Jack’s shoulder lightly, “See? By this time tomorrow you’ll have this whole thing figured out.”

“You might be right Higgins,” he said, genuinely smiling for the first time that day, shutting off his phone and glancing behind him to see Crutchie start to pour himself a glass of wine while letting out a pretty impressive string of curses directed at Spot.

Race looked back, “We should probably break that up.”

“Nah,” Jack said, “Let them tire themselves out, we got the TV while they’re at it.”

Race grinned, grabbing the remote and flicking back a few channels, “Fuck yeah!  _ Brooklyn Nine-Nine _ !” 

 

 


	2. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was not how Jack thought his day was going to go

Jack let out a breath as he handed the last morning rush customer, a fantastically rude old man who kept saying they got their order wrong, his drink and rubbed his temples. His back had been sore all morning because he slept on it funny and he'd woken up extra early to get a head start on his commission and he could already feel the stress headache coming on.

The atmosphere right now calmed him down a bit. He could smell all the coffee brewing, and could feel sunlight from their windows on his skin, taking enjoyment in the little things right? Little things like the fact that all the employees got a free drink today because they had all done so much overtime last week, and how they'd repainted to a really amazing shade of yellow, and Davey was coming around noon.

That part was really starting to freak him out.

Race's whole high risk, high payoff thing had made sense at the time, it's just now he was more focused on the risk part, and how fucking high it actually was. It wasn't even that Davey would be awkward about it, he wasn't that kind of guy, but if he said no he'd pity Jack, which was the worst thing that someone could do to him really. 

And Davey was so sickeningly sweet that he'd probably act sympathetic and give him a story about how he felt when he got rejected and just,  _god_ he was actually a perfect human being. Jack however, was not, hence the risk factor.

"Jack? Jack!"

He jolted up from where he'd been standing in front of the dish sink, very slowly turning around to face who he already knew was there. "Yes Romeo?" He really didn't need the kid making him nervous right now.

Said kid smiled lazily, shoulder against the wall while he smirked at Jack, "Penny for your thoughts?" He yelped when Jack ruffled his hair, dashing to the shitty mirror they had taped to the back wall. "I just got it right, thanks a lot."

"No problem." 

"But really, are you okay? Because I thought I saw you looking worried and I got worried, and I really hate being worried Jack..." He kept rambling on for a solid five minutes, stopping to take a breath after two. Somehow he managed to get from Jack seeming off to how his old dog had died of cancer, kid had ADD like nobody's business and Jack had learned to tune him out about two days after he started.

"So yeah, it was really awful and I'll always miss Harley, but what's up with you?" 

It took Jack a few seconds to register that Romeo was actually done and addressing him, but yeah, he really didn't feel like talking about his love life to a sixteen year old kid right now, no matter how persistent he was. "Nothing, tired's all."

Romeo tilted his head, "I feel like you're lying, actually I know you're lying because I heard you talking to yourself a little bit in the back, so who's Davey?"

"Fuck off."

"That's child abuse."

"Thank god I'm not your dad then Romeo." 

The kid jumped to stand in his path once he started to walk away, pushing against Jack, who had about six inches and fifty pounds on him, rather unsuccessfully and sliding across the floor for a second before tangling his feet up. 

"Klutz," Jack mumbled, managing to get a hand on Romeo's collar before he smacked his head against the wall. 

"You really have a strange relationships with your coworkers Jacky."

Instantly, he turned around, almost tripping himself, and finding Davey leaning against the counter. And fuck he really hated that the first thing to come into his mind was that Davey looked _damn_ good in flannel.

" _Jacky_?" Romeo piped up from behind him. Any trance of sarcasm left however, when Jack kicked at his shin, and he, probably for the first time in his life, took the hint and walked into the back.

"There's nobody here for me to give my caffeine speech to, I practiced the whole way here."

Jack bit his lip and walked up to the counter, trying to control his heart rate because it felt like he'd just run a mile. "I warned 'em, didn't want to put the poor people through that."

Davey laughed and Jack really could have died because he sort of looked up through his eyelashes while he did and they were somehow really fucking long and not helping with his nerves right now. 

"Rude Kelly," he chuckled while Jack started playing with the straws they kept by the register.

Now or never right?

"So um, I really wanted to ask you somethin' while you were here-" the front door opening cut him off, well mostly Davey's reaction to the front door opening. 

Turning, he smiled and took a few steps toward the guy who'd walked in,  _taking his fucking hand_ , and walking back toward Jack, still smiling like an idiot. "Jack, this is Albert, Albert, Jack."

"Hi!"  _Albert_ said, actually sticking his hand out so Jack had to shake it.

"Hey."

Davey sort of looked between the two of them, and somehow despite being the most perceptive person Jack had ever met, couldn't feel the wave of despair that was very quickly turning to anger radiating off Jack. This had to be some sort of sick joke, there's no way Davey would bring his  _date_ to meet Jack, and  _specifically_ to meet him because there's no other reason he would have texted to make sure he was working.

Albert said something to Davey then and Davey fucking laughed at it like he had at Jack a minute ago and he really felt like he could punch someone, preferably Albert, or Race who gave him this stupid advice in the first place. A part of his mind that could be reasonably referred to as common sense recognized that he was definitely glaring daggers at the counter because he physically couldn't look at Davey right now, but that part was buried under layers upon layers of anger because  _fuck this_.

"Oh Jack, you were gonna ask me something right? Sorry I got distracted."

Some force drew his eyes up from the counter and connected with Davey's, trying desperately to telepathically tell him what he really meant to say while his mouth came up with a lie. "Oh yeah, it was nothing, about one of my commissions, don't worry about it."

A spark of confusion appeared in Davey's eyes for just a second, this was actually the first time Jack had ever lied to him, and he knew it. Apparently, he could shrug off his best friend lying to his face pretty damn quick though because that spark went out within a second and he nodded, starting to tell  _Albert_ about what drinks were the best. 

Jack's fingernails bit into his palms as he took a deep breath. Usually when he got disappointed, or in this case fucking  _humiliated,_ he could manage to shake it off for long enough to calm down and rationalize whatever happened. Now though, he was mad, really, really mad. 

"Hey, uh, Jack, Diane wants you in the back, I can take over register right now." 

He looked up to see Romeo, shifting his feet and looking nervous, standing beside him.

"But Diane isn-" 

"She said it's important," Romeo said, speaking slow and looking over at Davey for a fraction of a second until Jack got the point. He really should give the kid more credit, he could be smart when he wanted to.

"Oh yeah, okay," he put a hand on Romeo's shoulder and squeezed a bit in thanks, "See you guys later."

If Davey looked up or said anything he didn't know, within a second he opened the door to the storage room and bit his lip, fighting back the urge to scream because as many employees had figured out one way or another, this room was in no way soundproof. 

A certain Italian giver of bad fucking advice was going to get an ear full later anyway. So, taking a few deep breaths and steadying the pulsing going through his entire body, he grabbed the pack of smokes someone had hid behind one of the empty boxes and walked out the back door, fishing for a lighter as he shut the door behind him. 

* * *

 

"Where is he?"

Jack slammed the door to Spot and Race's apartment shut behind him, storming over to a suspiciously calm Spot, who'd barely glanced up from the book he'd been reading when Jack invited himself in.

A sigh was let out, and Spot bookmarked his page, taking a few agonizing seconds to shut his book and put it down before facing Jack. "Where's who?"

"Racetrack Higgins."

"A little formal don't you think."

"I'm only informal with  _friends_."

Spot pressed his hands into his eyes for a second while he took a very long and very audible deep breath. "So this is about Davey right?"

Okay so this was some sort of joke, sick fucking joke that was ruining his life and ability to feel anything but rage. "How the hell do you know about that?"

"Davey texted me that you seemed off when he saw you at work, we texted for a while, he mentioned he brought a guy."

There it was, that look of fucking pity that he hated on Spot of all people, he must be pretty bad off for Spot to look like that. Somehow every force in the universe was out to make him as infuriated as possible because right then Race walked out of his bedroom, looking like he'd just woken up from a goddamn nap while Jack's life had been falling apart.

"You motherfucker."

"Wha-"

"Hey, this isn't his fault Jack, calm down."

He clenched his fists again, going to their fridge while Spot started explaining the whole thing to Race, and reached for a beer, hesitating a moment before thinking better of it, taking out a bottle of vodka instead. If he was going to yell over a boy like he was in high school he might as well get shit faced like he did in high school. Heat dripped down his throat and into his stomach when he heard Race let out a sympathetic noise, obviously getting the gist of what happened. 

"Shit Jack, I'm so sorry."

He pulled the bottle back from his lips and grabbed a few cups before walking over to Race and shoving the bottle in his hands. "Yeah, it was fucking awful."

He heard vodka being poured while he flopped back on their couch and hugged a pillow to his chest. A light buzz had started coming on and it felt really nice because alcohol mixed with anger turned out to be a weirdly warm and satisfying combination when you're pissed.

"I just want to punch Davey or fucking  _Albert_ in the face."

Spot sat down by his feet, forcing him to sit up and accept the cup Race was holding out, and from the color of the drink Spot had grabbed a mixer, from the taste, cranberry juice. "Okay, not really either of their faults if I'm being completely honest, but sure."

"I don't even know why I took your advice in the first place Race," Jack said before gulping down his drink and pointedly ignoring Spot's comment.

He felt a little bit of anger drain out him because Race looked actually sorry, like he failed or something, which was a look that Jack had never really seen that much of, or was ever able to be mad at for too long. "Fuck this isn't even your fault, it's Davey's."

"Again I gotta say-"

"I could care less right now Spot."

He poured some more vodka into his cup, adding enough juice to cut the taste a little bit, enough that the heat still felt good down his throat, but not like he was being burned. "Why would he even have asked if I was working if it wasn't to bring his fucking date around?"

The silence proved his point a bit. Spot raised his eyebrows and took a long sip of his own drink while Race bit his lip and stared down into his.

"He might not have planned on bringing him? Might'a been a spur of the moment kinda thing."

"Bullshit," Jack spit, feeling the words slur in his mouth as heat rose to his face, from anger or alcohol he didn't really know. He noticed that after he filled up his cup again Spot put the bottle down by his feet, cap screwed securely, a warning almost.

"Be mad all you want, it's not like they're gonna marry or anything, it's not all ruined," Spot reasoned while Jack sipped on his drink.

"Yeah Jack, and Davey's not the kind of guy to show off anyway, you know that."

For some reason that stung, and Jack knocked back the rest of his drink, definitely feeling the vodka in his system when sat up to look properly at Race, the room spun for a second and he heard Spot snicker. "I don't know shit, and shut up Spot."

Race perked up a little when Spot rolled his eyes and shoved at Jack, instigating a shoving match which the drunken Jack ended up losing. Spot reached down from his perch on top of Jack to hand Race the bottle of vodka while Jack halfheartedly protested. 

"Sorry Kelly, you're cut off."

"Lemme up."

"Nah."

Jack groaned, drinking too fast never really worked out too well for him, his head felt fuzzy and the vodka sat uncomfortably in his stomach. Spot said something to Race and reached for Jack's phone on the table, holding it up when Jack made a grab for it. "Give it."

"No, you'll make bad decisions- oh fuck."

"What?" Jack and Race said, one sounding significantly hazier than the other.

"Davey's calling you."

Jack sat up, almost managing to knock Spot off the couch while he scrambled to get his phone back. He had no idea what feeling he had for Davey right now but he felt like he'd figure it out if Spot would just give him the damn phone.

"Answer it!" 

"Give it to me!"

"Both of you shut up for two seconds," Spot snapped while he stood and calmly answered the phone, "Hey Davey what's up?"

Jack started to stand trying to use Race as a brace, but only succeeding in dragging the much smaller man down and tripping over his feet, falling sideways onto the couch while Spot paced around their living room. 

"He's a little preoccupied right now," Spot said, watching Jack try and stand while Race tried to keep him from standing, which probably looked hilarious from Spot's position but Jack was really fucking annoyed because he needed to yell  _something_ at Davey. 

"Yeah, I'll let him know, thanks man, bye."

Race let go of Jack's arm, falling back on the couch while Jack shot up way to fast for someone as drunk as he was. He stumbled into Spot for balance and tried to think of anything that Davey might have said but finding it hard when he had to trudge through all the vodka in his brain at the moment. "Wha-"

"He wants you to call him," Spot held the phone behind his back, " _In the morning_."

Jack groaned, taking a few clumsy steps back before letting himself fall back on the couch, probably hitting some part of Race from the sound of it. "F-uck." A part of him really wanted to get a phone and do something  _now_ , but the part of him that was drunk and tired and not in his apartment was starting to take over. "I gotta get home."

He started to stand when Race grabbed his arm again, smirking as Jack fell back and Spot laughed. "No way Kelly, you can crash here."

"Crutchie can manage a night without you," Spot added, sending a quick text to Crutchie, "And now he knows you're here."

Jack nodded and yawned, all of his muscles felt loose and exhausted, sinking into the couch as he let his eyes shut for a second. He heard a sigh and the voices of Spot and Race say a few whispered things to one another and the next thing he knew a blanket was being draped over him and he was pretty sure the lights got turned off too. 

In his drunken state he didn't really recognize the feeling of his anger receding, just a bit, replaced by more tiredness that pulled at his limbs until he was stretched out comfortably. He could yell in the morning, Spot was right.

Race said something, maybe to him? Either way he slurred out a 'goodnight' before completely letting his mind relax, the sounds of Spot and Race shifting in their own room lulling him into a deep sleep.

 

 


	3. Bargaining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack's hungover and drowning in self pity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has commented and left kudos!! It means a lot to me and I adore feedback
> 
> There aren't many chapters left but they should be up soon!!

The first thing Jack heard when he woke up that morning was retching. It was him of course, leaned over the side of the bed, still half asleep, but in his hungover haze it took him a few seconds to realize it.

He hadn't been hungover like this since, well since high school if he was being honest, and he'd forgotten the feeling of waking up and feeling like someone was banging on your head from the inside out. He remembered last night pretty clearly though, he hadn't been that bad off, just drank too fast, not too much thank god. And, after groaning and going through the memory of last night he got to his fucking phone ringing somewhere around his third drink.

Davey'd called, and he'd have to call him back. "Fuck me."

"If Race is okay with it, yeah sure Jacky."

Spot smirked at Jack from where he was seated at the kitchen table, feet propped up as he scrolled absently through his phone. "I got so many good pics of drunk Jack, you don't even know."

With a groan Jack curled back under his blanket, "You're making this worse."

If the lack of response was anything to go by, Spot must have felt at least a little bad, which was rare so Jack let himself bask in it for a few minutes before speaking up again. "If I hadn't gotten drunk this never would have happened." It was really, really easy to blame alcohol for your problems, they caused their fare share of them, but a small part of him knew that most of the damage had been done sober. 

Spot apparently agreed. "I mean, he would have called you if you were sober, it didn't help that you got drunk yeah, but sober Jack caused most of this."

"Stop giving me giving me different personas."

"Nah."

Jack almost managed a smile from under his blanket, the headache and general feeling of shittiness sort of took the rest of it out of him. Slowly, he peeled the blanket off of him and shielded his eyes from the light hanging overhead. Despite the headache he managed to stand, nearly losing his balance and getting another laugh out of Spot, but he managed. 

"I hope you're enjoying my physical and emotional turmoil Spotty." The eye roll that came after he spoke really wasn't unexpected, Spot never really put up with him all that well when he was like this, that was Race's job. "Hey, where is Race anyway?"

Spot frowned a bit into his coffee while he sipped before answering Jack. "Had to go into work, he'll be back in a few hours."

Jack nodded as he walked toward the door to grab his shoes, "You workin' today?"

"Nope, we start construction Tuesday, got off till then." He looked pretty satisfied at that, which was fair, Spot worked in construction and did ten hour days when they got busy, he deserved a few days off.

"Nice," he said, "Coffee place is closed on Sunday's so I'm off too, thank god."

"You still gotta call him Jack."

And Jack knew that, he fucked up, and as it usually went whenever he fucked up, he had to clean up whatever mess he'd made. "I know, I will." He wasn't quite sure if that was a lie yet though, he'd figure that out on the way home. He got halfway out the door, jacket half on while he pulled his shoe over his heel when Spot cleared his throat.

"Sorta need this to do that Kelly," he held up Jack's phone smugly, he could be a real smart ass sometimes.

"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled, snatching his phone from Spot and going back for the door, quickly thanking for letting him stay over before opening his messages. He had six unread, two from Crutchie and four from Katherine, the latter worried him a lot more than the former but he opened her's first anyway.

           _Kath: sarah's pissed at u_

_Kath: apparently u took out ur emotions on Davey_

_Kath: u can be really shitty when ur pining_

_Kath: crutchie texted me that ur drunk, we'll be speaking in the morning :)_

Could have gone worse. The idea of having to make two uncomfortable phone calls today really put a spring in his step as he made his way to the subway. Katherine was great, but also scary protective over Sarah so she'd chew him out pretty bad for acting like a dick, which he sort of deserved to be fair. He got on the subway and actually got a seat, if he had to stand there was a really good chance he would have thrown up or fallen and broken his neck, so that was a plus. 

He opened Crutchie's messages.

           _Crutchie: so ur probably passed out already but i heard about the whole Davey, Albert thing and im sorry buddy_

_Crutchie: from what i heard u kinda stormed off which is sort of a dick move, you're kinda a mess when u like someone jack. g'night tho, see u tomorrow_

It was his stop, and he thanked whatever god gave him Crutchie and his blatant honesty as he got off. 

* * *

He opened the door quietly, it was only nine so Crutchie might still be sleeping and he didn't want to wake him. He figured he could probably snag another hour or two of sleep if he was lucky, put off all the shit he had to do until the afternoon. His head still hurt, considerably less however, and he started for their bathroom to grab some aspirin.

"Hello Jack."

Jack probably jumped a foot in the air, grabbing his chest and turning to see Katherine sitting in the corner with her phone; it was way too early for this shit. "Kath? What the hell, why are you here? How did you even get in?"

She barely looked up from her phone, sighing while she typed, acrylic nails tapping against the screen. "I said we'd speak in the morning? It's the morning." Gesturing to the open window vaguely, and apparently finishing her text, she set her phone down on her lap and stared at Jack expectantly. "Well?"

“Well what?” Jack said as he took off his jacket. He really hated this weird, intervention style thing they had going on here, he hadn’t fucked up  _ that _ bad.

“Well,” she started, "You stormed out on one of your best friends, because what? You were jealous? Davey called Sarah last night freaking out because you bailed on him, you really hurt him Jack.”

She added that last part to make it sting, he knew that, and it worked, because now he had an image of Davey, not knowing why any of this was going on, and it damn well stung. “I know, I didn’t mean to.”

“Still did.”

“I  _ know _ that,” he sighed, moving to sit down and raking a hand through his hair.

He could see Katherine out of the corner of his eye, and in his defense she looked like she felt sort of bad, pitying really, which he hated but deserved. “I’m gonna call him and explain everything.”

She perked up a bit at that. “Everything? As in actually everything?”

“I don’t know, I probably should.” At this point he really wasn’t going to get a good moment to tell Davey anyway. “I have no idea how else to explain, I don’t wanna lie to him.”

She nodded, “Good, a romance based on lies never really works out.”

“Ha ha, really digging the whole Albert thing in aren’t you?”

“Davey didn’t like Albert.”

He whipped around to face her, no way, she had to be fucking joking. “You have to be fucking joking.”

“Nope, Sarah sort of got the conversation going toward him, they didn’t really click I guess, you probably would have figured that out if you didn’t bolt the second they showed up.”

Again, the backhand was fair, but this complicated things a bit. A part of him was really happy, Albert was out of the picture, but another, more logical part of him knew that this sort of magnified his fuck up. He came off like a jealous asshole now, if Davey liked the guy it would have been easier to play it off, he could have gone off about how he messed up, but was  _ happy for him _ . Now he just had the messed up part. “Shit.”

“Indeed.”

“What do I do?” 

Katherine shrugged, the apathy was still there, she’d ice him out for as long as Sarah was pissed. “Fix it I guess.”

“But how- wait where are you going?” 

“Meeting Sarah for brunch, have fun with all this.” She got her purse and put on her coat, not even bothering to hide her smirk as she went for the door. “Let me know how it goes.”

“Fuck, where’s Crutchie,” if there was anyone who could help him with this it was him.

“Oh, you haven’t heard?” She looked over her shoulder, “He’s out with Albert.”

“Wait  _ what _ ?”

The door slammed shut.

* * *

Okay so he’d talked to Crutchie. Apparently he’d called Davey and Davey thought they would get along so he set them up. And, from what Jack gathered from the few rushed texts between him and Crutchie, they did get along really well. They’d gone out for breakfast and it turns out that Albert was planning on becoming a physics teacher, and Crutchie was an English teacher so they hit it off pretty fast. 

And Albert didn’t seem as awful now that he wasn’t going out with Davey, so that was a plus. The more he thought about it, him and Crutchie would actually look pretty cute together. And of course Davey set them up, he always knew that sort of stuff, he’d actually been the one to get Katherine and Sarah together a few years back. He was a perceptive, caring, adorable person that Jack still had to call.

He’d put it off for about an hour, texting Crutchie and taking a very long shower to try and figure out what he was going to say. He hadn’t come up with anything but at least he didn’t smell like vodka and death anymore.

“Okay, c’mon Kelly, you can do this.” Positive self talk was key according to Sarah, the perks of having a therapist as a friend was you got all those tips for free. But he’d been pacing around his living room for about half an hour and all the talking to himself hadn’t done much more than get him a weird glance from the guy in the building next to theirs. 

He had the number dialed already, taking a good five minutes to memorize it because he really needed the time to try and get some sort of script ready because this could go in any direction and he needed to be prepared. 

Which he hadn’t been able to despite practicing out loud a thousand times over, somehow always ending up stuck at the part where he’d probably say something along the lines of ‘I’m shitty and jealous and in love’. There had to be a more graceful way to put that but for the life of him he hadn’t been able to figure it out.

The feeling of instant and intense regret that follow him finally hitting the call button was sort of insane, like just-jumped-out-of-a-plane level of insane. It rang twice, the longest ten seconds of Jack’s entire life really, before Davey picked up.

“ _ Hello? _ ” 

Fuck. “Hey! Uh hey Davey, it’s Jack?” God why was he phrasing it like a question this was already going shitty, he felt like he was going to thrown up and-

“ _ Oh, hey Jack, thanks for calling me back. _ ” 

He wasn’t sure if you could call what he was doing pacing at this point, more like anxiously pivoting back and forth. “No problem, sorry I couldn’t talk last night, I was, uh-”

“ _ Yeah Spot told me, don’t worry about it. _ ”

“Okay, and I just, uh I just wanted to say sorry about how I was when you came to my work?” The question thing had to be some sort of reflex thing at this point because  _ fuck _ . “I didn’t mean to, like, storm off or anything.”

“ _ Yeah that sort of sucked _ .”

God he really needed to just get out with it didn’t he. He was biting his lip so hard he was going to be able to taste blood soon. “I just got, um, fuck, jealous I think? And god that’s not your fault I was being a dick I really didn’t mean to-”

“ _ You were jealous? _ ”

Jack punched at nothing in particular before sitting down on the couch, pressing the phone to his ear way harder than he needed to. “Yeah, just, of the whole, like, thing…” He had no idea what he was saying.

“ _ What thing? _ ” 

God he really didn’t have to say it out loud because there was no way Davey didn’t know at this point, karma’s a real bitch sometimes. “Just, uh, you and Albert, being a thing.”

The silence at the other end of the line was  _ physical _ . “Okay, yeah that sounds really weird, I get that, but that’s it, I think.”

“ _ Okay. _ ”

Then fucking nothing. To be fair he didn’t really know what he would have said, but it would have been  _ something _ . 

After about thirty seconds of repeatedly checking to make sure Davey was even on the line he cleared his throat. “So um, is that okay?”

“ _ I, uh, I just, I gotta go Jack. I’ll text you later okay? _ ”

“Oh okay.. Bye.”

“Bye.”

* * *

“I’m sure it didn’t go that bad Jack.” 

“Yes, it  _ did _ .”

Crutchie sat at the kitchen table, watching as Jack paced in front of him, recounting the details of his phone call with Davey. He’d been forced to wait about an hour before Crutchie even got back, he didn’t want to talk to Katherine because she’d tell Sarah and Sarah would  _ murder him _ . And he still felt bad for crashing at Race and Spot’s, so Crutchie had to help him figure this shit out, and soon.

“He just, hung up! I poured my heart out to him-”

“I wouldn’t say you were that direct Jack.”

“-and he hangs up! God he must be grossed out or something or think I ruined the friendship, and just,  _ fuck _ I should have never told him in the first place.” He stopped to face the Crutchie, face red and hands bouncing against his side because this whole thing was making him really fucking nervous.

Crutchie looked calm enough, and Jack could tell he was choosing his words carefully when he answered. “Okay, first, I don’t think he’s grossed out, I think he was a little bit shocked and taken off guard, you did act like a dick and then turn around within a day and admit that you liked him.”

“But what if he-”

“ _ And _ ,” he continued, “He probably just didn’t know what to say. You took a whole day of stressing out to be able to tell him you liked him, you can’t really expect the guy to come up with something on the spot like that.”

Jack raked a hand through his hair, trying to process Crutchie’s point, he did have one, not one he particularly believed right this second, but he was making sense.

“Okay, so what should I do?”

Question of the hour really, he couldn’t control what Davey was doing right now, but he knew that there had to be something,  _ anything _ that he could do to move this along.

“Nothing.”

He’d learned over the last few days that he really had no sense when it came to these sort of things. “Of course there’s nothing, I just have to sit here and wait until he inevitably doesn’t call, and then I die.”

“I mean, you will die at some point, that part was right.”

“Not the time Crutch.”

Crutchie smiled a little bit, he knew Jack well enough to know he appreciated when he tried to lighten the mood. “You know what time it is Jacky?”

He had a general idea of the direction this was taking, but he let it ride. “What time.”

“Summertime, it’s our vacation.”

“You’re not funny.”

“What time is it?”

“I’m not gonna say it.”

“C’mon Jack, humor me.” Crutchie made that stupid pouting face and Jack almost smiled despite the fact that his life was over. 

“Party time.”

“That’s right, say it loud!” 

By the time he stopped laughing Crutchie was already putting their stupid blu ray copy of High School Musical 2 in the TV, which they’d bought as a joke a few years back but still watched at least once a month.

“Let’s kick back and relax Jacky, take our minds off the real world for a while.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad Crutch.”

And they did take their minds off things, for exactly 111 minutes, which may or may not have been the running time of the film. And they may or may not have sung along. But they definitely didn’t worry about their real world problems, a blessing that Jack would reminisce upon during the next few hours. 

The next few, stressful, confusing, emotional roller coaster esque hours that involved a lot of phone calls and even more pacing than Jack previously thought possible.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ending to this chapter sucked but I'm tired and I wanted them to enjoy themselves a bit before the shit storm
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed!!


	4. Depression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is confused

They'd actually gotten halfway through High School Musical 3 before everything started happening. A rather heated debate about the overarching themes of this movie compared to that of the former was taking place between the two, which, in Jack's opinion, he was winning.

"The whole thing is overrated! Bringing it to theaters ruined the whole experience!" 

Jack rolled his eyes and began gesturing wildly. "Are you kidding me? The whole idea of bringing it to theaters was to have a  _different experience_." 

"Why experiment with the last one, huh Jack? The director had no clue what he was doing."

"That's bullshit and-"

A phone started buzzing. Both Crutchie and Jack stared at each other for a solid five seconds before Jack scrambled up and ran into the kitchen. He'd left it charging because he didn't want to have to deal with, well, his entire life really while he relaxed for a while. Hindsight was twenty twenty though, by the time he got to his phone the ringing had stopped.

"Fuck." He clicked the home button in an attempt to call whoever it had been as fast as possible, and oddly, there was no missed call. Just a few notifications from his Instagram and an earlier text from Spot. "Wha-"

"Oh, hey Davey," Crutchie said from the other room.

Jack whipped his head back, phone catching on the end of the charger, ripped off seconds later. This was not happening.

He ran back toward Crutchie, turning the corner into the room and slipping, a loud bang reverberating through the apartment as his knee slammed into the ground. "Motherfu-"

"Oh um, Jack? He's uhh..." Crutchie looked helplessly at Jack, who was valiantly attempting to walk it off while mouthing 'no' frantically. "Yeah, he's not here, he went out a while ago." 

Jack nodded gratefully as he gripped his knee, he genuinely had no idea what Davey had to say to Crutchie right now and any ability to decipher that was slowed because, god he felt like he'd broken his kneecap. And so, he hopped awkwardly over to Crutchie, who had started biting his lip and rubbing the back of his neck, which were all bad signs. His eyes flicked to Jack for a second and he nodded toward his knee worriedly.

"It's fine," Jack whispered, "What's he saying?"

Crutchie waved him off. "So what are you going to do?" Jack had basically crawled on top of him while he replied, Davey's voice coming faint and unintelligibly from the other end of the line. He felt himself shoved off as Crutchie struggled up, starting to pace around the slightest bit. "I mean I wou- wait right now? Shit okay, talk to you later."

He hung up and looked at Jack, half hanging off the couch and gripping his knee. "Okay so first are you o-"

Jack cut him off. "No, I'm fantastic, what did he say?" The longer Crutchie tried to delay the worse the conversation had gone and Crutchie was rubbing the back of his neck again and god everything was terrible in Jack's life right now.

"He-I mean he was sort of vague about it-but he sounded confused? About everything that happened I guess."

"He mentioned me though right, he asked where I was?"

"Yeah," Crutchie said, "I think he called me because he was trying to sort of what to do and stuff."

Jack groaned and put his head in his hands. God the whole point of being direct with Davey was so that it would be easier and they could  _talk_ about all this. "Fuck, is he, just, is he okay? I made this all so much worse."

He heard Crutchie start to protest but it didn't matter, he never should have said anything. He'd just wanted to get this whole thing over with one way or the other and now Davey probably hated him for doing it because in hindsight, it was pretty fucking insensitive to put all that on him at once. And Sarah and Katherine probably hated him too because he knew Davey had already called them and the group was going to get split and it was all his fault.

"Jack?"

Crutchie had moved to sit beside him. He put a hand on Jack's shoulder comfortingly. "It'll work out, you know that right?" His grip tightened a bit when Jack shook his head sullenly. "He's Davey, he's not going to leave you."

"How do you know that though?" Jack asked. He leaned into Crutchie and took a deep breath. He hadn't been this,  _invested_ , in a guy since high school really, and even that was different. It had been the first crush he ever had on a guy and he never said anything to him about it, if he got rejected it would be social suicide, and if the guy said yes it would still be social suicide really because his high school had fucking sucked. 

And now he was an adult and he still had the same problems, except worse because the guy he liked was one of his best friends and he'd gone and ruined it.

"Because I,  _we_ , both know him. He'd never do that to you, believe me." If it hadn't been for the desperate tone in Crutchie's voice he probably would have just stayed quiet. But he'd never been able to do that, and he looked up.

"Thanks Crutch," he managed a weak smile, "I think I'm gonna go paint for a while, I've got that commission." 

Standing stiffly, he went for the door. It took a lot of energy not to drag his feet but he managed, he didn't need to ruin Crutchie's day too, he'd done enough of that already. "I'll be back in a few hours I think."

"Text me if you need anything!" Crutchie yelled, getting a brief nod in return before Jack shut the door.

* * *

The basement of their apartment building looked pretty much exactly like you'd expect a basement in Brooklyn would; it was mostly unfinished, studs and rafters exposed, and Jack had to beg the landlord to let him paint down here because there was exposed installation that violated some building code. Besides a few boxes of some tenants storage and some long abandoned gym equipment, it was mostly empty. 

His art supplies crowded most of the remaining space. A tarp had been put down so he didn't stain the floor, he had one good easel that was usually in the center and he kept his various paints and brushed stacked on some milk crates he and Crutchie had dragged down. 

In the middle of all of the boxes and paints and old aprons stood Jack. He had an fresh palette in one hand and a flat brush in the other. It had been about an hour since he'd come down, taking longer than usual to get his paints together and set up. The landscape he'd started in front of hi was doing nothing, normally he'd be able to pick a spot, somewhere where he could shade a bit more and snowball into the rest of the painting.

Not today, he'd tried, unsuccessfully he knew, to be good for Crutchie but he was spiraling. The last few days, months even if you counted how long he'd tried to get up the courage to do anything about Davey, just kind of came at him at once. It's really hard to paint when you can't feel anything. Or, felt everything at once, he'd been bouncing back between the two for a while now.

The commission was expected in a few days though; Medda had recommended him to one of her friends who worked at a theater in Manhattan, and they wanted a sample of his work. If they liked it it could mean a pretty steady gig, which he desperately wanted.

So, he bit back whatever was rolling around inside him and put brush to canvas. 

It was a bit more impressionist than he normally went for, but he was aiming to impress. He'd gone for a meadow, simple yet rich in detail, and played to his strengths with a sunrise. He'd gotten most of the foreground done, thick brush strokes as the base, more precise strokes and thinner paint giving texture to the windblown look he was going for. 

Weeds and overgrown bushes crowded the edges, opening up slightly for a few wildflowers. There were probably twelve in total but they'd taken a full two days, he'd had to look up what types of flowers grew in midwestern fields and settled on vervain and cornflowers. The details on the petals had to be layered so he'd worked on the middle-ground while they dried.

Trying to paint a seemingly empty space but fill it with an empty  _feeling_ was difficult, and he still had some details left to go over, but overall it was probably the easier part of the painting. 

Sunrises though, he killed sunrises. A thin layer of grey was always his first step, so light it barely deviated from the color of the canvas. Slightly after the sun hit the horizon was the best time to paint, the upper three quarter of the sky remained a lightly tinged grey, while the quarter that remained on the horizon lit up in pastel. 

That quarter was what he was attempting to paint right now, and he couldn't get it to work.

He added a slight bit of a halo around the silver of the sun he'd finished and started to branch out. Davey was all he could think about, and he found himself echoing his usually comments in his head. Davey was the only person besides Crutchie who'd he ever let watch him paint, and his voice always kept him from getting too frustrated.

_"I love the way you made that bit opaque."_

_"You could add a bit of shading in the grass, make it more natural."_

_"God your blending is amazing."_

_"I love it, Jack."_

That last one made him take a step back. If he'd messed up as bad as he thought he did, none of that would happen again. Maybe he was exaggerating, Crutchie had been right that Davey wasn't the type to just leave, but it wouldn't be the same. Something would always cast a shadow over them and he wouldn't be able to handle it.

He started mixing a greyish pink, letting it mix with the yellow. Blending oils was hard, the paint was thick enough that getting it to look smooth took some time, and usually for Jack, a lot of cursing and occasionally angry crying if he was tired enough. The starving artist thing sounded nice in theory but he'd snapped one too many paint brushes for it to be enjoyable. 

The brush moved slowly, tip just barely brushing the surface of the painting, dragging the colors into one another and letting them counteract. Balance was key, not too much or too little, keep the observer looking at where you wanted them too, not lingering and searching for what was off. 

Slowly though, he felt himself start to get lost, colors and shades blurring and forming in front of him, keeping his mind blissfully occupied while his hands did all the work.

Davey had called him an illusionist once, said he could trick people into feeling what he wanted them to.

He was starting to hope that he had been right.

* * *

 

Two hours passed before Jack was able to put his palette down. He let out a long sigh, there was still a ways to go before he'd be able to call it finished, but the grit of it was done. 

Idly, he cracked his neck both ways, moving down his spine and getting a satisfied, semi-concerning bubble wrap sound out of it before shaking out his wrists. Crutchie had seen him do this whole routine before, cringing at the sounds Jack could get his bones to make, mumbling that at least he was trying to take care of his body and such.

Crutchie was a friend.

His best friend actually. He would take a bullet for the guy in a heartbeat, and he knew Crutchie would do the same for him. They'd known each other since middle school, Jack got transferred to a new group home after the funding for his last one cut out. They'd been roomed together and on the first day he'd been there someone had kicked Crutchie's crutch out from under him and Jack gave him a bloody nose.

For the next ten years they'd been inseparable. Graduating high school together and going to college within blocks of one another. Crutchie'd always known he wanted to teach, and Jack knew he loved art. He'd gotten a bachelor's in fine art after working his ass off in class and out, holding down a full time job while studying, and minored in psychology.

They'd bought their first shitty apartment together, which was the same shitty apartment they lived in right now, and basically spent a good half of their lives within walking distance of the other.

And somehow, Jack had managed to fall for Davey. 

Davey, who he'd met in his first year at college in some bullshit econ class they both hated, and bonded over hating. Davey, who almost cried when Jack got clipped by a cab on his bike and broke his arm.

Davey who actually cried when he talked to Jack about getting so bad in high school he thought about ending it all. 

He was stupid and funny and caring and so loyal it broke Jack's heart. Broke his heart because he would never be able love him in the same way that he loved Crutchie. Davey was never going to be like a brother to him, no matter how long he tried to convince himself.

He would take a bullet for Crutchie because Crutchie was family. He was the shoulder that Jack had spent the last ten years leaning to lean on despite being taught otherwise his whole life.

He would take a bullet for Davey because Davey was the love of his life. He was the one that gave Jack everything he had and didn't push him to give anything back. He got Jack to fall in love with him without even trying, and it hurt so fucking bad.

* * *

 

The stairwell echoed his footsteps back at him as he walked up, slowly and deliberately. The elevator didn't go to the basement and the stairs were narrow and steep and smelling faintly of mold, which meant that it probably started raining outside. He was convinced there was a leak somewhere down here but the landlord glared at him whenever he tried to bring it up.

His bed sounded like the best thing in the world right about now; his legs ached from standing down there so long, and painting always managed to sap him of any excess energy he scrapped up during the day. 

A ding as he pushed the 'up' button on the elevator was way too harsh and shrill for his brain right now. Thank god the shitty music they usually played in here was shut off, he couldn't handle another instrumental version of  _"_ The Girl from Ipanema" coming from broken speakers right now. And he couldn't even lean against the railing on the back wall because the thing hadn't been cleaned since the building had been built and was covered in gum and stains from god knows what.

As he got off he heard a loud laugh from his neighbors apartment, two guys named Sniper and Specs had moved in a few months ago. Besides occasionally being too loud, they were actually really nice, a lot better than their old neighbors anyway.

Sluggishly, Jack took out his key, unlocking the door and stepping into their dimly lit apartment.

"Hey Jack!"

"Hey Crutch."

Jack yawned pretty big, throwing Crutchie a wave from where he sat in front of the TV before walking into the kitchen. "What do you want for dinner?"

"Whatever, we aren't picky."

The sound of Davey's voice nearly gave Jack a heart attack, whiplash too, his head snapped back so fast it's a miracle he didn't pull something.

"Davey? You're here?" If he could have punched himself right then he really would have.

Davey bit his lip and stood up from the couch. He looked like a bit of a mess, wearing what looked like Crutchie's NYU hoodie, hair disheveled and wet from the rain. "Um, yeah, thought we should probably talk, in person, y'know?"

Jack nodded, he'd have to thank Crutchie later because there was no way he wasn't in on this. 

"Yeah that's probably a good idea."

They stood silently for a few seconds, Crutchie finally letting out an exaggerated yawn and standing up.

"Well, I'd better get to bed. Davey, don't let Jack cook, he'll burn the place down."

Davey laughed weakly. "I won't Crutch."

Once Crutchie left Jack starting shifting awkwardly, if he'd known Davey was coming he would have spent the last few hours thinking of something to say. "So uh, what do you want to talk about?"

 

 


	5. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have the talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this was really hard and I really hope you guys are happy with how it turns out!!

Fuck. 

Davey had gone sort of silent after Jack asked what he wanted to talk about. To be fair, asking was sort of a dick move, they both knew what needed to be said.

Jack opened his mouth to say something, what exactly, he wasn’t sure, but he would probably figure it out along the way. “So I-”

“Don’t.”

The deadpan threw Jack off. “Okay.”

“I just want to figure this out, and to say what I have to say because if I don’t I’ll always regret it, okay?” Davey looked up and Jack could feel something inside of him break because  _ he _ was the one that made Davey look like that.

Davey barrelled on, barely letting Jack get a nod in before continuing. “So like, it was sort of shitty of you to be a jerk when I was with Albert, like I didn’t really like him that much but it still felt awful.” He looked like he was struggling physically to get this out, his breathing had gotten off and Jack felt like fucking  _ shit. _

“And I was really mad and just confused and then you just blurted out that you liked me? Like out of nowhere and just I don’t really know what to do with that because I don’t know if you just said that to try and make up for acting like a jerk-”

“No!” Jack had to stop him from reaching out to Davey. “I just, I’d been trying to sat that for a while and my timing was fucked and I would  _ never _ do something like that, Davey.” He did reach out for a second, awkwardly brushing at Davey’s shoulder for a second before pulling back.

Davey looked at him, hard, and took a deep breathe. “Okay, I don’t know if I totally believe you-”

Jack’s face fell.

“-I really want to, just, I’m still processing everything.”

“Okay, and I, just,  _ please _ take however long you need to do that,” Jack stuttered, “Because I don’t want to ruin our friendship over this and, fuck everyone for telling me that this whole thing would be a good idea on the first place-”

“Wait what?”

Fuck, fuck,  _ fuck _ .

“Who’s ‘everyone’?” Davey frowned and Jack could see him start to pick at the sides of nails like he did when he got nervous.

This was sort of a curveball, he didn’t know this whole thing had been fucking incognito. “Just um, our friends and stuff? Race and Crutchie and Katherine-”

“Katherine? You have to be  _ kidding _ me.”

He was on his phone before Jack really understood what was going on and within seconds was pacing around their apartment mumbling what Jack could only guess were curses, under his breath.

“Her answering machine, really? Okay well Kath you better call me back and explain what’s going on because-” Blankly, he cut off and stared at his phone. “She fucking cut off my message.”

A vivid mental image of Katherine, probably drinking wine, sitting on her couch and cutting Davey off came to mind. It would have been funny if this wasn’t one of the most dire situations in his life thus far.

And he still really didn’t get what was happening.

“Wait, what did Kath do?”

Davey spun around, almost like he’d forgotten he was standing in Jack’s apartment. He looked a hell of a lot paler than he had a few seconds ago, whatever anger he had for Katherine must have drained him.

“She wanted me to- y’know what, this all sort of makes sense and just, fuck.”

“Okay,” Jack said. The confusion was pretty present in his voice and Davey raked a hand through his hair and started to explain.

“She wanted me to come here, right? And like talk it out, and she went on and on about how she had  _ no idea _ how this conversation was going to go and how she fucking believed in me.” He took a deep breath, “She set us up.”

“Sounds like Kath.” 

Jack wasn’t totally sure if he was mad at Katherine or not. Her being underhanded wasn’t exactly news, so they both probably should have seen this coming. But if she hadn’t been underhanded and actively meddled in both of their lives, there was a solid ninety percent chance that Jack would have just avoided Davey forever.

Being an adult didn’t have to mean you made adult decisions regarding your love life. So, he guessed that in some way, Katherine might have helped him out a bit.

But Davey was spiraling.

“I just hate that everyone knew about this,” his voice was definitely shaking now, “Because they are probably just talking to each other about without us and I hate being talked about behind my back and just, this fucking sucks Jack.”

He sat down and put his head in his hands. As soon as Jack thought he could see a slight tremor in his hands he walked over.

He kneeled down in front of Davey slowly, he’d seen him like this enough times to know that touching him wasn’t going to help. 

“Dave?”

Shakily, Davey looked up. He didn’t have to say anything, probably couldn’t have if he wanted too. From what Jack could tell he was on the brink of tears.

“It’s okay, they’re our friends right?” He waited for a nod before continuing. “They’re not doing this to make fun of us or anything, they just wanted us to, jesus what does Sarah always say?” He snapped his fingers for a second. “Assertively communicate, that’s it.”

Davey managed a shaky breath after that, he loved all of Sarah’s therapist stuff, it gave him a sense of assurance. 

“Are you okay?” 

The question hung in the air for a second, and Jack didn’t push. 

“Yeah, I just, this happened before.”

“What did?”

Davey took another pause and collected himself a bit. He sat up fully and Jack did the same, he made eye contact for a half second before pulling his gaze back down.

“This whole set up thing, in high school? It was this prank thing my senior year that some assholes thought would be funny and I fell for it y’know?”

Jack balled his fists before slowly letting them go, nodding in affirmation. 

“And just, it was probably the worst thing that happened to me in high school. Worse than getting beat up and called gay and stuff because it fell apart in front of  _ everybody _ and I just, this reminded me of that.”

He looked up at Jack, and it took a few seconds for Jack to recognize the question that he was asking through that look.

“This  _ is not _ that Davey,” he said firmly, “Please, believe me, we would  _ never _ do that to you.”

Finally, he reached out and touched Davey’s hand lightly. Davey blinked a few times before slowly taking Jack’s hand and gripping it. There was nothing but relief in the gesture and Jack knew it.

“Okay.” Davey finally said, and Jack could tell he was doing his breathing exercise which made him happy and almost simultaneously sad. Happy because he could remember a time when Davey couldn’t bring himself down from that state, and sad because if he messed this up he would never be able to help Davey with this ever again. And he desperately wanted to help Davey, even if they weren’t together he just wanted him to be happy.

“So now,” Jack said, “Is it okay if I try and explain myself?” Before Davey could respond he quickly added, “It’s okay if I can’t.”

He was head over heels at this point and he knew it.

A flicker of something appeared in Davey’s eyes for a second and Jack felt him relax slightly. “Yeah, go ahead.”

God he really shouldn’t have built this up in his stupid mind so much because now that the moment was here he was really struggling with what to say.

“So that day you came into the store with Albert? I got so upset,” upset was an understatement and they both knew it, but Jack continued nonetheless, “because I had been planning to tell you everything about, well all this, then and I just got taken off guard.”

He bit his lip and looked up at Davey, sort of go big or go home kinda thing here. “And the others knew and wanted me to tell you because I’ve been annoying them with talking about you for months and I just, I like you, a lot, okay?”

He couldn’t have kept eye contact during that if he tried, which to be fair, he didn’t, because Davey gave away what he was feeling in his eyes and he couldn’t bear to see his reaction just yet. 

“Well,” Davey started, taking a pretty significant pause that seemed to stretch on for years and Jack still couldn’t look up because this was such a bad idea and-

“I mean I think I like you too?”

That got Jack’s attention a bit and he looked up, immediately searching Davey’s eyes and finding something akin to nervousness that he was sure was present in his own at the moment. 

“No, not I think, I mean, I do like you, like that, if that’s what you meant because I thought that’s what you were saying but-”

Jack pulling Davey in for a pretty aggressive hug cut off his rambling and Jack was smiling so wide he was sure he’d be stuck like that forever if he didn’t cut it out.

“Christ Jack,” Davey laughed, resting his head on Jack’s shoulder while Jack started laughing into his. “What’s so funny?”

Jack pulled back and was greeted with a smile that matched his own. “We gotta thank Katherine for once.”

Davey chuckled a little and raked a hand through his hair. “She’s never gonna let us live that down is she?”

“Nope.”

* * *

 

After that talked for a while about, well each other really, before settling down, and they ended up watching TV for a few hours before Davey had to go back to his apartment. 

If Jack wasn’t sure about where they stood, the chaste kiss Davey gave him before he shut the door was enough to seal the deal.

With a smile, he leaned with his back against the door and shut his eyes. He reopened them a few seconds later when he heard footsteps and saw Crutchie come out of his room with a dumb smile on his face.

“So it worked out then?”

Jack blushed dark, for what reason he didn’t know, Crutchie would have found out soon enough anyway, they were best friends after all. “Did you listen the whole time?”

Crutchie walked over to their fridge and nodded. “Yep, but the details of your conversation will be kept secret Jacky.” He pulled out some left over pizza and handed Jack a slice before going back toward his room.

Jack smiled and shook his head. “Thanks Crutch, I owe you one.”

“Don’t worry about it, night Jack.”

“Night Crutchie.”

With that the apartment was filled with silence again. Jack took a bite of his pizza and started for his own room, exhaustion hitting him in a wave now that he got off the emotional ledge that he’d been standing on for the last few months.

He passed out as soon as he swallowed his last bite of pizza, smiling like an idiot because,  _ fuck _ , he had some really invasive, meddling, amazing friends.

* * *

 

“You look awfully chipper Jack.”

Romeo ducked quickly when Jack made to shove him. Kid never knew when to shut up.

“Just sayin’, seems like you worked out somethin’ that was botherin’ you,” he said with a grin, “Care to share?”

“Not a chance kid.”

Jack walked to the register, in all honesty he would have cursed the kid out if there hadn’t been a customer walking in; they had a complicated friendship.

He heard Romeo humming the wedding song while he took the guy’s order, opting to make it himself since the last time Romeo tried to make a cappuccino he almost burned himself and broke the goddamn machine.

He added a bit of foam to the top of the drink, barely getting the top on before Romeo whisked it out of his hand.

“Here you go sir, hope you enjoyed our service and have a great day!”

The man smiled and thanked Romeo before leaving a few bucks in their pathetic little tip jar. 

“Didn’t think you were into older guys,” Jack quipped as he started wiping off the counter.

Romeo shoved his shoulder lightly as he walked past. “Least I get tips, slacker.”

“Shut the fuck u-”

The door opening cut him off again, and he glared at Romeo, who smiled goofily back at him as two customers walked in. 

“Sup Kelly,” Spot said, followed closely inside by Race.

“Hey guys,” Jack said. He could tell by the looks on their faces that the word had gotten out, probably through Katherine, who had heard from Sarah who had heard from Davey and  _ god _ their friend group was basically a high school with all the fucking gossip.

“We heard the good news,” Race sang as he walked over and leaned on the counter in front of Jack.

“Yeah, get it Jack.”

He rolled his eyes at the pair and swatted at Romeo, who had migrated back to his side once Race and Spot entered. “Stop eavesdropping kid.”

Romeo just shrugged and started humming again, getting a rare laugh out of Spot, and a side eyed look from Race. 

“What? Kid can be funny.”

“Yeah, try being around him six hours a day, funny gets old real fast,” Jack sighed.

“I heard that!” 

“You were meant to!” Jack yelled back at Romeo, who had started pretending to wash dishes in the back. “Anyway, yeah, we’re like, a thing, I think.”

Race smiled and shoved at Jack from across the counter. “I’m so happy for you man! You guys are so cute, and now that you confirmed the rumors, Spot owes me twenty bucks.”

Spot begrudgingly passed a twenty into Race’s waiting hand and looked up at Jack’s frown. “Nothing personal Jack, a bet’s a bet.”

“Whatever traitor, what’ll you guys have?”

They both ordered their usual drinks, black coffee for Race and a Caramel Macchiato for Spot. And as usual Jack teased Spot for his ‘weakass’ coffee and as usual Spot made sure Jack knew he didn’t leave a tip before the pair left, leaving Jack with an hour left in his shift and nothing to do.

This was officially the period where if anyone came in Jack and Romeo would quietly talk shit and glare at them until they left because they closed at eight and they both were willing to kick out anyone who tried to stay longer.

So, at 7:50 when the door opened, Romeo didn’t even bother to bite back his groan as Jack walked up to the register with his feet dragging.

“Don’t look so excited Jack.”

Jack looked up and saw Davey, breaking into a smile in a split second and rushing up to the counter. “Hey! What are you doing here?”

Davey grabbed Jack’s hand and squeezed it in greeting. “Was gonna see if you wanted to catch a movie after your shift ended, Race and Spot were supposed to see the new Star Wars but they had to bail, so they gave me their tickets.”

“Star Wars?” Romeo yelped from the back, at Jack’s side in what had to be some sort of record time, “Didn’t it just come out?”

Jack sighed and gave a rather amused Davey a sympathetic look. “Davey this is Romeo, Romeo, Davey.”

Romeo grinned and leaned against Jack. “Oh so you’re Davey, Jack goes on and on ab-”

“Go finish the dishes,” Jack said quickly, shoving the kid off him in the general direction of the back. For once, he did as he was told, and only shot him a quick wink before heading back.

“Charming staff.”

Davey’s light smile kept Jack from making up some dumb excuse about the kid, and instead he just shook his head a bit. “Yeah he’s a riot. And a movie sounds great, I get off in like five minutes, I just gotta go turn some stuff off and we can leave.”

“Perfect,” Davey said, “I’ll wait out here.”

Jack smiled and rushed through the closing procedure, out the door just as the clock struck eight.

* * *

 

At the end of the night neither of them could have said what the movie was about, although the rest of the people in the theater could have described in pretty good detail what Jack and Davey were doing during it. 

It was a pretty perfect first date in Jack’s opinion, and in the years that followed they would have many more. And as Katherine would always be quick to remind them, even on their wedding day, it was all thanks to her.

They both knew she was right, to some extent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end!! Thank you so much to everyone that commented and left kudos, it means so much to me and keeps me motivated
> 
> Leave any prompts you might have in the comments and thanks for reading!!

**Author's Note:**

> I love these two sm,, leave kudos/comments if you enjoy!


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